Sonja Sandqvist recounts 1986-04-15

I, Sonja Sandqvist, born Kristiansson, has long tried to write down a small part of my childhood and youth. I was born 1914-10-01 and am the second in a sibling group, we were 6 siblings. My mother was Lilly Alfrida, (born Larsson 1892-07-11, died 1983-11-03). My father was Karl Algot Kristiansson (born 1892-07-23, died 1976-08-30). For my own part, I have only one name, Sonja. As a child I grew up in a working-class family, mother ran the home. We lacked nothing under the circumstances then. I was often at my paternal grandmother's, I was her goddaughter.

Paternal grandmother was very firm in her opinions. One had to help with all sorts of things. Among other things she said: Never trust a man, they always have a fox behind their ear. At paternal grandmother and paternal grandfather's, the deck of cards often came out when their friends were there, but they never played for money. With maternal grandmother and maternal grandfather it was the opposite. They were strictly religious and went to church every Sunday. When I stayed overnight with them, I fell asleep while they sat and read the Bible. They were truly kind and good people.

My schooling was not the best, I mostly played, had a great imagination, lived in a dream world. Mother said that things will be different for you when you go out into the world.

- The first place was at a boarding house in Halmstad, I went there one Sunday and stood at the washing-up tub all day. I cried all night, thinking about what mother had said. 14 years old. Mrs. Werwin was the name of the woman who ran the boarding house. The guest room was on the sixth floor, a lot of running up and down stairs. Mrs. Werner lived in a small house next door and everything was served from there. How I cried the first night! Then I sang and believed that was how it was supposed to be. Mrs. Werner praised me so much, often said what a fine family girl I was, well a little... and so one worked beyond one's capacity. I became ill and went to a doctor - had developed chilblains. The doctor said I was undernourished and very weak and sent me to a convalescent home.

Eventually I recovered, sought a place in a bakery and tried to become a pastry chef. I had to get up at 3 o'clock in the morning and in those days we did everything by hand, I realized I wouldn't be able to manage it. I was probably 17 years old, then I took life in my arms, believed everyone was good, and I thought: Now I will go out into the big world! I bought a Göteborgs Tidning, answered an ad, as a maid, got the job. Admittedly, they thought I was a bit too young. It was a very wealthy family with grand habits. One soon adapted, but they must have had many good laughs, one was so happy and spontaneous and thought it was a joy to live. They had three girls when I arrived. Mrs. Hansson later gave birth to another girl who was named Sandra. Imagine when she started to walk, she ran away from the nanny and wrapped her chubby arms around one's neck, it was mutual love, I think. I thought, if I ever have a girl, she shall be named Sandra.

Now I finally understood what it means to not have a proper educational foundation. I probably would never have stayed in Gothenburg, but whatever I applied for, one had to know English. I stayed here and here I experienced my great setback, never thought anything like that would happen to me.

The janitor here had a son who was very spoiled. One day the nanny came and said: Sonja, come! Now you will see a cute boy. His name was Åke and he sometimes helped with Hansson's private cars and that's how I came into contact with him. Among other things, he invited me for a car ride and so we started dating. We got engaged, he visited home. We began saving for our future home. Paternal grandmother's words probably followed me through life, marriage first so I had many difficult moments. He thought I didn't like him enough, so it went as it went. He thought I should look for something else with more pay so we could save more, and I agreed. Mrs. Hansson was very sad when I quit. I started working for a lawyer (Muhl), they had a daughter who had to be watched carefully, they were afraid of kidnapping. They had had a nanny before but she quit for another interest. Then happened what I never in my wildest imagination would have thought. I had judged all girls who became pregnant before marriage. When I told Åke that we were going to have a child, he commented:

- What will mother say!

Mrs. Muhl liked Åke very much. Now he started up with one thing and another, I got one cold shower after another. Åke was a locomotive trainee, lived in Falköping, came when he was off duty. I first thought to take the bull by the horns and go up to Falköping, I told the Muhls that I was having a birthday and going home - they understood.

I traveled to Falköping, Åke met me at the station. I asked him what his intentions were. Then he says:

- I hope you understand, I have fallen in love with a nurse at the hospital. I said:

- Remember Åke, he who makes others unhappy will never be happy himself.

I went home by train, sat outside, couldn't stop the tears, they just streamed. I walked up and down the streets so that I could sneak into my room. I couldn't get a wink of sleep. In the morning, Mrs. Muhl and Madeleine came and wanted to know how my trip had been. Then I resorted to a lie. I have to quit, we are going to get married and getting an apartment is no problem.

- But how wonderful for Sonja and Åke and how sad for Madeleine!

Then Madeleine said:

- I have never liked Åke - and neither has father.

They perhaps understood more than we did. It was a difficult time - going around lying, running around during the day, brooding at night. A letter came drifting into Mrs. Muhl's hands. I had such an unpleasant feeling, thought I recognized the handwriting. When Mrs. Muhl came home, she called:

- Sonja, Sonja! and took me by the shoulders. Now let's sit down here. Tell us how things really are, I have received a letter from Åke's mother, isn't everything as it should be between you.

Then everything broke and I told how it was. According to Åke's mother, it was my fault. Mrs. Muhl called up Åke's mother and said:

- How have you raised your son that he doesn't feel his responsibility, and that towards a girl like Sonja, and I understand that you cannot have a sensible conversation, so I'm hanging up. Then they ran and guarded me, they called the railway board and got Åke to come down. We were to get married, but then I said:

- Åke has told me where he stands. I will never ask for a penny, I will manage this myself. When the lawyer came home, he pounded his fist on the table for me. I must not think only of myself but of the child I carried. It should be registered as an engaged couple's child and Åke should pay.

It was 30 kronor per month and would be increased when he became a fully qualified locomotive driver, but I never asked for more. That money Sandra got when she moved away from home. The Muhls arranged for me to move to Muhl's brother in Stockholm. They had a large villa with a garden and thought it would be nice in their old age.

The worst was telling those back home. Ruth also lived here, then we came - and Mrs. Muhl. It was probably very hard for them, they surely felt for their daughter, but they said:

- If she has never needed home before, she needs it now.

Sandra was born at KK on 1940-03-03. She was born a month early and weighed only 2600 grams. I was very weak afterwards, couldn't carry her, had to go to a home and get care. The worst was that she looked so much like Åke, a living image. At first I thought:

- Could I not have been spared that.

Then I said to this little child:

- You and I shall fight.

Then I went home with this little bundle to Skrea, we were so welcome, not least by my paternal grandmother, who had been so strict. Everyone was so kind, but it got on my nerves when father bought candies.

One day mother and father said:

- We will take care of Sandra for you! They understood that I needed to arrange a future for us and get some income. It was with heavy steps that I went to Gothenburg. I got a place at Örgrytehemmet, was there for seven years, took care of the elderly - it was very strenuous. At night I dreamed. I saw Sandra in one accident after another. Then I applied to PS and got a position as a nursing assistant. I lived with a girl, Greta, who was engaged to a locomotive driver, Sven. Sven talked about a man named Bertil. I felt very sorry for him, his wife had deceived him and he found out.

- You should meet him......................as one can understand, I had become a man-hater. Greta and Sven got married, I was invited there and there sat Bertil.

Then it went quickly from there. He talked about his situation and I about mine. He promised to help me with Sandra. I thought about her schooling, we would give her what we ourselves had not received. Sandra probably had a hard time at first. Mother Lilly was at home.................

Married a railwayman, they had such poor pay. Sandra was 9 years old and had to travel home as soon as she could. Bertil stepped up in all weathers, could never have had a better father and she probably felt that too. Ingeborg, the ward nurse, asked if I didn't want to take the nursing assistant course. They were going to reduce a nurse position. I said:

- I can never manage that, thinking of my schooling.

I was the first to take that exam at Sahlgrenska and got the highest grade, I didn't deserve it. I probably didn't have such high expectations at that time. Sandra did well in school. When she came home with a book for the best friend in the class - that was the best one can get......

I have probably been a strict educator, but we have been so protective of her. I hope she has something good to take with her to her family. She has completed a fine education, is a director of studies, is married to a civil engineer, and has a daughter who attends Chalmers. We hope that things go well for them. She only has one life and one must take care of it. One can do a lot on one's own when one is honest and lives healthily, does not harm other people - then I believe things go well.

Sonja died 1999-01-25

Eulogy at Sonja's funeral.

To our dear Sonja!

In the Gospel of Matthew 7:21 it is written:

Not everyone who says to me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my heavenly Father.

This can be said about You Sonja. You certainly did not belong to those who constantly had God on their lips, You acted as if there was one. Nothing was impossible for You when it came to helping relatives, friends, and other fellow human beings. I and my family have had much help and support from You during our difficult times in life, this surely also applies to many of you who are now here and have accompanied you to your final rest. You spent a great deal of time with our family and were the sister-in-law I knew best. You had a bright outlook on life, and made life easier and brighter for other people as well, and this not only through your nursing work, but in your capacity as a cheerful and energetic person with a sincere view of justice and a strong moral-humanistic worldview.

”"Faith is not a house built to the glory of God, faith is the path one walks," the French philosopher Voltaire is said to have taught. You walked that path, a path of faith, and now that you have reached the end of life, one can only state that your walk has not been in vain. You have nothing to fear at the moment you step before your Lord, for you have lived as close to the moral commandment as one possibly can. We will remember you as you were throughout life, cheerful, alert, and always ready to help and support, always filled with good will.

Dear Sonja! We mourn with your family and our loss is great.